I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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