please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
