dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
