just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
