you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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