So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I understand Curling. That high.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
