Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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