why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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