Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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