Don't you send me to vm
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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