it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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