Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
