I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
...so i touched it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
