Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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