My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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