And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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