i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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