oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
