u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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