yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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