yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
