he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize