Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
