with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
