Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
