Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
