She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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