saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
