there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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