I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
