I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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