oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
