I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
