there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Pants are for mortals
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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