So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
