if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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