Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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