i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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