OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
