Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
