It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
