you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
