dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
