and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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