I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
