I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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