DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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