The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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