sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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