You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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