Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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