Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
