you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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