she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
