I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize