So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
