Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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