Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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