apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
