so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
