A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
