Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I believe in your delicious
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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