Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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