I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
