wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
