Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
