I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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