your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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