I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
if only i could text you this smell
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
